Chemicals, Chemicals
by Xiana Asuka
Summary: After a wild night in Vegas, Atobe wakes up next to none other than Sanada. Snark ensues. :Tango, AU:


Xiana: o_O This story is finally being posted? NO WAI. Sorry, **bjont**. I promised this to you like back in October. But now I finally give it to you as a present! Congratulations on finishing Hito~!

Recommended music: "Suki Sa"x3 by Atobe. I love this song so much but it is such crack. Seriously. Listen to it during the scene where they're being out of character due to drunkenness. That's what happened with my iPod and it was hilarity.

Important note: Sanachi in this story is American, so his name and the names of other "Americans" have been switched to American style. Just so's you know. Also the dialogue on the TV is in italics.

* * *

**Chemicals, Chemicals**

As per the usual, Atobe Keigo woke up naked in a strange bed. He yawned and snuggled closer to his bed partner, noting with some dissatisfaction that his head came to rest on a hard, well-toned chest rather than soft, pillowy breasts, but assumed he must have gotten quite a bit too drunk last night and ended up with a random man instead of a woman. He didn't let it bother him and remained curled comfortably in the heat of last night's lover's strong frame until he felt the urgent need to relieve himself. Reluctantly, he rolled out of bed and stumbled towards the bathroom, noting how very sore he was and hoping that didn't imply what he thought it implied. He didn't spare a glance for the man, assuming from experience that the fallout from when _he_ woke up would have him entirely too used to the guy's features in the inevitable shouting match that would follow.

The first thing Genichiroh Sanada realized upon waking up and opening his eyes was that his lucky black baseball cap was not sitting on top of the chest of drawers at his bedside. Further examination revealed that his hat had migrated to one of the bedposts, but seemed to be otherwise unchanged.

As he reached for his hat and fit it over his head in its proper place, he also realized that the sheets of the bed were very sticky. He didn't have much time to think about that one, because immediately afterward came his third realization –that he needed to throw up, and fast. He dove for the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom and vomited until he had nothing but a pounding headache and the slightest sensation of nausea remaining.

It was at this point that he came to his fourth and most important realization to date. There was someone else using his shower, and it was a man that he recognized far too well. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Atobe groaned inwardly. He recognized that voice, though he wished he didn't. "Of all the people in all the world, I had to sleep with _him_," he muttered, so low that Sanada couldn't hear him over the rush of the shower. Regardless of this unpleasant revelation, or perhaps because of it, he took his own sweet time washing up, making absolutely certain his body was clean after being thus defiled by such a crude person.

Unfortunately, Sanada didn't take the hint and leave, so it was with some trepidation but no little amount of pride that Atobe stepped out of the shower to meet Sanada's stare. "See something you like?" he asked coldly, then grinned viciously. "Because I don't."

Sanada immediately turned away and would have retorted something scathing to the wall he was facing if he hadn't caught sight of himself in the steamy mirror and realized with a jolt that, save for his hat, he too was completely nude.

Atobe had wrapped a towel around his waist and was using another to dry off his hair as he sauntered past Sanada and into the other room. "Clean yourself up, please. I'll toss some clothes in for you once you're done, and then I hope we will be able to discuss the situation in a rational, adult way," he said before flinging his second towel behind him without a second glance. It landed directly on Sanada's head. So much for "adult."

After drying off and finding something acceptable to wear from Sanada's belongings, which was very difficult for him, Atobe started searching for his cell phone, eventually finding it under a pair of extremely foul socks. He sprayed some complimentary hotel disinfectant over it before dialing.

His CIO, Shishido Ryou, answered on the third ring. _"What the hell do you want, Atobe? It's only seven o'clock, and you said you were going to let us sleep in this morning…" _He sounded out of breath, and Atobe didn't think it was from running to get the phone.

"Oh, like you were sleeping anyway. Leave Ootori alone for a moment and tell me what happened last night," he said impatiently. "How on earth did I wind up with the vice-president of the company's number-one business rival? You're the Chief Information Officer, dammit, give me some information!"

Shishido sighed heavily. _"You were really, really hammered last night. You made me'n'Choutarou record the whole thing, so the DVD should still be around there someplace."_

Atobe looked around and eventually spotted a blank black DVD case on a table. "And another thing, why'd you let me do it?"

"_Do what?"_

"Whatever I did. Any of it. All of it. Sanada of all people."

_"You've had to deal with the aftermath of enough drunken nights to know that you're not exactly the most lucid when you get smashed. You and your 'Genii-chan' really hit it off last night, and no matter what we tried, you guys just kept claiming it was 'meant to be' and what not, so don't you dare blame us for it."_

"What exactly-"

Shishido interrupted curtly. _"Watch the video, okay? Then you'll know. Watch it with Sanada. Have a bonding experience or whatever. But if you've forgotten, I'm on vacation now, and vacation means I don't have to listen to you whine at me early in the morning while I'm trying to spend some quality time doing what I like best. That is, Choutarou."_ A muffled laugh came from the background, followed by a click and the dial tone.

Atobe threw the phone on the floor in disgust. Shishido should know that this was a crisis of epic proportions, and should therefore focus on that instead of his fling with the Marketing VP. And just what did he mean "_Genii-chan_?" That didn't exactly bode well. Atobe figured that if he were lucky, Sanada would be more embarrassed by last night's behavior than he was. If he was really lucky, he might offer to make reparations in the form of a business deal or a bribe.

After some long minutes that left Atobe bored enough to change the sheets and fold up the clothes scattered about the suite, the water finally shut off in the bathroom. Evidently, Sanada was just as disturbed as Atobe about the situation, and had also felt the need to deeply cleanse himself… or the water was helping with his hangover. As he emerged from the shower, Atobe opened the bathroom door just a crack, sticking an arm with a load of clothes through.

Sanada stalked over and ripped his least-favorite outfit, the Hawaiian shirt and shorts Seiichi had insisted he take with him "because it's vacation," out of his unresisting hand. The arm retreated, but the door didn't close. Sanada glared at it in annoyance and made to slam it shut, but Atobe started talking before he could. Grudgingly, he decided he would have to be the mature one in the situation and listen to whatever ranting the dramatic man had to do.

"I expect that you don't remember much about last night, since I don't and you seemed just as surprised as I was when you walked in on me." Sanada frowned, not liking the way this was already heading. "But we're in luck, because thanks to my foresight, I have a DVD detailing the events of last night. I feel it would be quite illuminating to take the time to examine what actually occurred to achieve this particular result. Care to join me?" Just as Sanada finished getting dressed and reached for the door, Atobe slammed it shut and walked away. Sanada sighed and tried to be patient.

Atobe was lying on the bed, remote in his hand, when Sanada walked out. He looked around for a comfortable place to sit as far away from Atobe as he could manage, but there was a conspicuous lack of chairs or other furniture, and he wasn't about to lower himself by sitting on the floor, as that was surely just what Atobe wanted him to do. So he regretfully took a seat beside Atobe and focused only on the glowing screen.

Atobe raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Can't get enough of me, I see."

"Good to know you're still as childish as ever," Sanada replied levelly. "And where else was I supposed to sit?"

Atobe ignored the second statement and took mock offense to the first. "Childish? Me?" He grinned. "I'm sure it seems that way to an old fogy like you…" He covered his mouth to muffle a gasp. "Oh, but wait! You're actually only 27, aren't you? Even though you look like you're 40 and act like you're 90." Then he swiftly changed the subject before Sanada could get a response in. "So, let's get this movie over with." He pushed the play button on his remote, and the pair was treated to a few seconds of static before the screen abruptly turned to black.

"_-o I know it's on?"_ a voice started. The reply came immediately,"_ "You'll see the red light come on. Obviously. And Shishido, you dunce, you've left the lens cap on."_ Atobe smirked at the sound of his voice, and his grin only grew wider as a large hand removed the obstruction and the screen instead displayed him in last night's finery.

"_Didn't want to start before you were ready,"_ Shishido muttered from off-screen.

Atobe struck a pose. _"Darling, I was _born_ ready,"_ he said haughtily.

"Damn straight," the real-life Atobe told his film counterpart, giving him a dazzling smile before adding, "I love me." Sanada glanced at him curiously, just a bit worried for Atobe's sanity and his own safety, but Atobe seemed to be hanging on his own every word, even leaning forward in his eagerness, and so had absolutely no time to spend on someone like Sanada.

Sanada inched slightly away from the egomaniac and turned back to the film. That (slightly more tolerable) Atobe was explaining why Shishido and his companion, Ootori, were to record the following events. _"You see, I saw that guy I hate, and I was thinking it might be fun to play a bit of a trick on him. You guys need to stay out of sight and record what happens, though if all goes well, you won't have to hide for too long."_

"_And how long is this going to last?"_

"_Probably quite a while. Don't worry, though. I'll let you two sleep in tomorrow morning, so you should have plenty of time to entertain yourselves with whatever once this is done. Remember: priorities. _Ore-sama_ comes before your silly little romance."_

Atobe nodded, in complete agreement with himself, but was slightly mystified. If he was still acting this sane and intelligent, what had happened that had gotten him with Sanada? He rolled closer to him, ostensibly to get a better view of himself, but mostly because it was fun making him uncomfortable.

Noting that Atobe had decided to pay attention to him again, Sanada asked, "So I'm this 'person you hate,' and this is just your idea of a twisted joke?"

Atobe shrugged. "Could be. But I really don't remember what happened, and I should hope that if I _was_ tricking you, I'd have a better story than that by now."

Sanada grunted and attempted to push Atobe away from him, but Atobe had been expecting this and avoided his hand only to cuddle closer, wrapping an arm around Sanada's waist. Before the stunned man could articulate anything, most likely something along the lines of "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing," Atobe's attention flicked back to the screen and he said with relish, "Ooh, look, you're on now."

Sure enough, Sanada, looking much more formal than he currently did, stepped into the frame, with his boss, Seiichi Yukimura, standing beside him. _"What a pleasure to see you here!"_ Atobe exclaimed. _"Might I be correct in assuming that you, too, are on vacation?"_

"_Yes, indeed,"_ Yukimura said politely in return. _"I knew that Genichiroh here would never relax unless he had someone like me along to ensure that he does, and I must admit that I've been eager to get away from it all for a short while."_

_"I only hope the economy continues to remain stable. After all, with the top executives of both Atobe Corp. and Rikkai away for the weekend in Vegas, the entire world could be devastated by a sudden downturn."_

"_Oh, Atobe-san, you flatter us in assuming that our Rikkai company has the degree of influence that your corporation enjoys,"_ Yukimura responded courteously, but his eyes sparkled in agreement. Watching his president, Sanada felt a sudden rush of pride and admiration for the man who had entered the failing company and rebuilt it into the economic superpower it was today, its only major rival the Atobe _zaibatsu_ in Japan.

Apparently, he had felt the same way last night, for as the still uncomfortably close Atobe pointed out, "Aww, look at that sappy little grin on your face. Looks like someone has a bit of a crush on his _shachou_, ahn?"

"I don't feel that way about Seiichi," Sanada said calmly. He knew vehemently denying such an attraction, though he wanted to, would just lead Atobe to believe the opposite.

"I'm so happy to hear that. So you've devoted yourself entirely to the greatness that is _Ore-sama­ _then." He said this as if there was no question that the only two people Sanada could possibly be in love with were Yukimura and Atobe. Apparently, it had never occurred to him that Sanada, like Atobe himself, might in fact prefer the company of women.

"Actually, I have a girlfriend," Sanada mentioned.

The look of surprise on Atobe's face was very gratifying to Sanada, who had been starting to wonder if it was possible to win an argument against him. "Wh-what-! Wh-who the hell would go out with you?"

"Sakuno Ryuuzaki, one of the top models in Paris. And if I'm not mistaken, you seem to have recently attached yourself to me as well, so whatever that says about your taste…" Atobe looked as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't quite find the words; to avoid continuing the verbal battle he had finally managed to get ahead in, Sanada took a leaf out of Atobe's book and pointed at the screen. "Why were you trying to get me drunk, Atobe?"

"Because I was confident in my ability to out-drink you. Of course, I should have thought of your higher body mass, which would keep you about equal to me regardless of my built-up tolerance and your usual disdain for such beverages, fatty." Atobe poked Sanada in the stomach, found that, as he had discovered earlier in the bathroom, Sanada really was quite heavily muscled, and then decided it didn't matter and poked him again. No reaction. Damn. Continuing his story, Atobe went on, "While you were busy pretending you weren't flirting with me, I discovered that I invited you and Mr. Yukimura to dine with me that evening. We made arrangements to eat in one of the finest restaurants around (though I don't expect you to have heard of it, you classless American), but as the tables were full, we had to wait. Yukimura made his excuses and is probably suffering from that unspeakable illness of his as we speak, leaving me conveniently alone at the hotel bar with you."

"So you were getting me drunk so that you could seduce me."

"Oh, heavens no. I was getting you drunk so I could get you to do something embarrassing."

"Yes, like wake up in bed next to Keigo Atobe."

"No-o, because obviously that would reflect more poorly on me than you. Hell, if word of this spread to the papers, people would be _congratulating_ you. I planned on getting you to do something like make a fool of yourself in public with absolutely no connection to me. Barring that, I had hoped you'd be the kind of talkative drunk that spills all sorts of juicy secrets when intoxicated."

"Mr. Atobe, that's blackmail, and here in America, that's illegal."

"My dear _Genii-chan_, when did I ever say anything about blackmail? No, I merely planned to reference this deep, dark secret of yours often enough that you _wished _I was asking you for money to shut up about it."

Much to Atobe's disappointment, Sanada didn't question the cutesy nickname he had used. "So now you remember the entire plot, huh? I'm not surprised."

"Well, I don't like what you're insinuating, but of course I know my plan now. I just got finished explaining it all to Shishido, who quite rivals you when it comes to sheer stupidity. Though at least you aren't as lovesick and romantic as that guy." Since Sanada wasn't rising to any of the bait, Atobe decided he needed a reaction. He figured the best, quickest, and least detrimental method of doing so would be to continue invading his personal space, and after a second or two of thought, climbed into Sanada's lap.

Sanada, though a very patient soul, was unused to such constant attacks and had reached his limit when it came to the pompous jackass he had slept with last night, and seeing as how all the evidence thus far seemed to point to Atobe being the instigator, he didn't feel the least bit of remorse about what he did next. Just as he was turning to make some sort of snarky comment, Sanada drew back his hand and slapped Atobe, sending him flying away from him and indeed off the bed altogether. He lay sprawled on the floor for a moment, obviously stunned, before he slowly got up and started shouting at him, all witty comebacks and innuendo forgotten.

"Well of all the bloody _nerve_ I can't believe you just _did_ that to me you absolute raving _maniac _why in the _hell_ would you-"

Sanada, thinking he may have acted hastily, had initially felt a bit of guilt over the situation, but after listening to that prig rant at him for only about five seconds, he decided it was a good thing someone had finally stood up to the self-absorbed businessman.

"-and if you think I'm just going to let you get away with that, you've got another think coming because I am a _hell_ of a lot more powerful than you and-"

Ten seconds and Sanada was getting angry again. Maybe the guy's aides, that unfortunate Shishido fellow and his lover, were willing to let Atobe heap verbal abuse on them, but Sanada was not them and his paycheck certainly did not depend on whether or not a spoiled brat like Keigo Atobe got his way or not.

"-psychotic _animal_ and your demonic invalid president, oh yes, I should have taken care of your failing company when I had the chance, if I'd known it would start breeding contemptible monsters with _no_ morals and _no_ respect for their betters and even _less_ for _Ore-sama_'s perfect visage-"

Fifteen seconds and Sanada decided he didn't care if anyone heard the argument, or if Mr. "_Ore-sama_" got his feelings hurt by the oh-so-terrible truth. He was going to tell him exactly what he thought of all this.

"Much though this is going to upset you, you're going to have to realize that the world doesn't revolve around you one of these days-"

"-except for you and a few unworthy others, actually, the entire world would be happy to worship me as a major deity-"

"-so if you could maybe shrink that bloated head of yours down to a slightly more reasonable size, like maybe only _half_ the size of the Earth, and adjust your ego accordingly-"

"-like you can talk because at least in my case I have the power to back it up, whereas you like to brag about _your _skills but have to beg in front of your beloved _master_ before you can do anything and-"

"-and actually, this isn't about me, it's about you being a worthless-"

"-useless-"

"-condescending-"

"-reprehensible-"

"-pitiful excuse for a human being and I hate you more than words could possibly describe!" they shouted at each other, then stopped, both breathing heavily.

"_I love you more than life itself!" _came a sudden cry from the television. As one, Sanada and Atobe turned towards it and flopped exhaustedly back on the bed, keeping a safe distance apart.

After a pause, Atobe ventured, "Apparently, I was completely plastered last night," by way of explaining why such an exclamation had come from the on-screen Atobe. His face was completely ashen save for the red handprint that still glowed faintly on his cheek.

"Well, it doesn't appear I was much better off," Sanada replied dryly, as his own response seemed to have been a sudden flood of tears. The scene only worsened as they continued to watch, the two finding it rather hard to keep their balance on the rickety bar stools and leaning on each other for support, alternately bursting into gales of laughter and hysterical weeping.

"I asked Shishido before. I think I'll ask it again. Why the hell didn't anybody stop us?" Atobe demanded. Sanada couldn't even begin to answer that question, though as the screen began to shake, it became clear that the two unwilling cinematographers were having far too much fun to stop them. They had also completely forgotten about remaining out of sight, as they were no longer hidden behind the fake plants, and were clearly making no effort to stay silent. Not that Atobe and Sanada seemed to have noticed, as they were too busy gazing longingly at each other. Yukimura emerged from the restroom nearby, still a rather sickly shade of green, and began striding purposefully towards them. As soon as he noticed their rather sudden change in behavior, he veered sharply, bringing him next to the amateur camera crew. Atobe, catching sight of all three, quickly waved them over.

"_Oh, Ryou!"_ he cried, yanking the camera from his hands and setting it carelessly on the bar, so the picture was sideways. _"Perrrrrfect timing! I don't know why you have a camera with you, but you're just in time!"_

"_You told us to film you, remember?" _Shishido said patiently.

Atobe paused in temporary confusion, but recovered. _"But when would I have time to do that? Did you all of a sudden become psyyyyychic or something? I mean, we only just got engaged now, so how on earth would you know that you have to be the wedding videotapers?"_

"_You wanted us to- Excuse me? Wedding?"_

"_Yeees," _Atobe said dreamily_. "I'm finally getting married, and to my darlingest _Genii-chan_. Can you believe I never realized how much we have in common?"_

Shishido risked a quick glance at Sanada, who seemed to be begging Yukimura to give the union his blessing. _"Um, like how you're both completely drunk off your rockers?" _he hazarded.

"_No-o, of course not, dummy!" _Atobe stamped his foot rather childishly. _"Like we're both in business and way far up in the company, and we like romantic walks on the beach, and we just totally_ get _each other."_

"_Ah. True love it is, then," _Shishido said, but the sarcasm was completely lost on Atobe, who nodded vigorously and pulled Sanada away from a confused-looking Yukimura.

"_Interview him before the ceremony, yeah? I want to remember how he felt about me tonight for the rest of my life,"_ he sighed vaguely, rushing off towards Yukimura.

"No, I don't," Atobe grumbled under his breath. Sanada reached out hesitantly and slowly patted the smaller man on the shoulder.

"It's all right. I'm about to make just as big a fool of myself," he said softly. On-screen, Shishido walked away, and the picture was turned right side up again. Sanada and Atobe realized that they both had their heads tilted and straightened their necks; they glanced embarrassedly at each other for a moment before looking back at the screen.

Somehow, Ootori had been drafted into interviewing Sanada, who had his hands clasped tightly and was looking at the ground modestly.

"Coy drunk?" Atobe asked Sanada, who was deliberately looking at Ootori and not at himself.

He shrugged, not willing to meet Atobe's eyes. "Guess so."

"Well, don't worry too much about it. At least you're not completely obnoxious like me."

"_So, um, Mr. Sanada,"_ the silver-haired young man started, his accent painfully thick mostly due to nervousness, _"when did you, ah, realize that Atobe-sama was the one that you wanted to spend your life with?"_

"_Well, I suppose that I've always known that we were meant to be together. It's only tonight that we were really able to connect. I mean, even though we seem to get on each other's nerves all the time, it's really just all the unresolved sexual tension between us that makes us act that way. We finally had the chance to talk things out, and I learned how much we have in common… and how much I can respect him, not only as a business rival, but as a soul mate. I'm fully convinced that we're meant to be together."_ Sanada hiccupped, tossed down one last shot, and started belting out a tune that he had probably just made up on the spot. _"Weeeeeeeeeee… will always beeeeeeeeeeeee… Togethaaaaaa… From now until forevaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"_

Ootori was having trouble keeping a straight face. Shishido wasn't bothering, as Sanada seemed to be off in his own little world and Atobe wasn't paying any attention to them whatsoever.

"_Does Atobe know how to pick 'em or what?"_ he muttered in Japanese. Ootori giggled nervously.

"Well, I have better taste than you, moron. Che. What's the point of being gay if you're just going to hook up with the girliest boy you can find? Dumbass." Atobe folded his arms and scowled at the screen.

"Interesting," Sanada said. "So now you're defending our, ah, 'relationship?' Suddenly you approve of me? What caused this change in heart? It can't have been the singing."

"It's nothing like that. It's more… the principle of the thing. If you ever got to know Shishido, you'd understand… And that's either _shachou_ or Atobe-_sama_ to you! Show respect or I'll fire your ass!" he shouted at the television.

Sanada sighed. "So what is it with this company policy of yours, only hiring homosexuals? I mean, there's this Shishido fellow and his consort, and you of course-"

"I quite resent that allegation. We are an equal-opportunity employer, which you should already know. In fact, my head accountant is one of the most infamous womanizers in all of Japan."

Sanada raised an eyebrow.

"Not that that's anything to brag about, of course," he added hastily. "And I'm not really gay. I'm just… open to experimentation. And this science project was clearly a failure."

Sanada, never one to mince words, replied, "No shit."

"And you? What's your excuse for ending up with me? I thought you had a girlfriend?"

"Ah… that is…"

Atobe smiled knowingly and reached over, clapping Sanada on the shoulder. "You don't have to worry about it. If you are gay, you might as well just come out and tell me. At least, I should hope you wouldn't be worried about what I think of you. And although you may not believe it, I _am_ capable of keeping secrets." He quickly withdrew his hand, obviously hesitant to touch Sanada for too long after their earlier altercation.

"Well…" Sanada sighed again and took Atobe's hand, turning to face him. Atobe blinked in surprise, the lazy smirk vanishing from his face. "I suppose you have the right to know. I'm bisexual, though I've always been more… interested in men. Unfortunately, you don't have much of a chance to follow your true feelings if you want to be considered a respectable businessman."

"That's not true," Atobe retorted. "You just have to make sure you pay off the objects of your affection afterward if you don't want them to say anything," he said matter-of-factly, startling Sanada into a soft chuckle.

"I suppose I hadn't thought of that." He dropped Atobe's hand and looked away again. "But to be fair, my salary isn't anywhere near as bloated as yours is, so I might not be able to afford a lifestyle as extravagant as yours."

"That's all right, just go for the cheap whores and make sure they don't figure out who you are," Atobe explained, then frowned thoughtfully. "Though not the cheapest. Have a care when you're choosing your prostitutes, or you'll wake up with any number of highly exotic and undesirable diseases. And remember to use protection."

"Yes, yes," Sanada grumbled. Atobe glared at him, hands on his hips and seemed to be ready to deliver another lecture. "Thank you for sharing your considerable knowledge with me," Sanada said dryly, "but I can't see how it's any concern of yours. I had no idea that you felt so strongly about taking all these precautions when you seem to hop into bed with the first person that catches your eye. I guess appearances can be misleading."

Atobe turned away. "True. Apparently you're even stupider than you look. I only mention these things –well, for one, because I honestly don't think you know them –and secondly, _heaven forbid_ that this should happen again, but if it did, I'd prefer not to let your idiocy ruin my life."

"Indeed," Sanada said with a shudder.

"I'm going to assume that you are equally horrified by the thought of causing such a terrible fate to befall me and not that you find the prospect of spending another night with me that appalling," Atobe said with a sideways glance at Sanada, alert for the slightest hint of sarcasm.

"Of course," Sanada said smoothly. "Your assumptions are entirely correct."

Atobe looked at him suspiciously, but turned his attention back to the television screen. The group had sufficiently organized themselves to arrange for transportation to the restaurant. Shishido and Ootori had decided to take advantage of the distraction provided by Atobe, who had pulled out a wad of cash and was throwing money at the staff while loudly demanding the best and most expensive of everything, and had slipped off to a quiet table for two, leaving the video camera in Yukimura's capable hands.

Atobe watched uncomfortably as the three were shown to a table and a bottle of expensive wine was brought to them, wincing at how he and Sanada immediately began guzzling it down without bothering to savor the aroma and texture of the fine alcohol. Sanada was busily thanking the Lord Jesus that Akaya was off seeing the sights with Renji –he could deal with Yukimura, but having to not only cover up but _explain _things to the little brat wasn't even in the realm of possibility at this point.

A pale hand extended into the shot and retrieved the third glass as Yukimura began narrating. _"I'm glad for you, Genichiroh," _he started as the pair gave the orders. _"I was beginning to wonder if you would ever get over me."_

Sanada stared at the screen, mortified. "I was _never_ in love with you!"

Atobe chuckled. Sanada shifted his gaze to him. "I wasn't," he insisted.

"Being in denial is never attractive," Atobe informed him.

"I'm not. There are things about him that I might find appealing, but I have no desire to have any relationship with him outside of our professional one."

"That's clearly why you go on vacation with him."

"It's a company trip. Renji and Akaya also-"

"And I suppose it's _also _perfectly normal for executives in America to shop for their second-in-commands." Atobe tugged at the sleeves of Sanada's Hawaiian shirt disapprovingly.

"How did you know that-"

"Well, even if you hadn't just told me, it was fairly easy to guess. The gift tag was still on it, and it said something about 'To my dear partner, try and relax more!' That narrowed it down to your business partner Yukimura and your life partner the lovely Miss Sakuno, and I daresay _she_ has some taste in clothing."

"Leave her out of this," Sanada said weakly.

"All right. We've left her out of everything that's happened. Let's just completely exclude her."

"That's not fair."

"You're right, it isn't. It's not fair to her at all. Look at that." Atobe gestured toward the television, where Yukimura was waxing poetic on the beauty of love as Sanada and Atobe fed each other bites from their fancy meals. "That should be her with you. I really, _truly_ hate to be the voice of morality, but…"

"Don't bother. We've never loved each other and she's been cheating on me for months anyway."

"Be that as it may, I do not appreciate being used to get revenge."

"That was more of a side effect than anything. And you did your fair share of trying to seduce me as well."

"I believe we've already ascertained that that was an accident, and you could have tried harder to resist if you didn't want things to end up this way, instead of jumping into my arms right away."

"Same goes for you, or have you changed your mind about me again?"

"That's different, I- Oh dear Lord." Atobe raised a hand to point shakily to the screen, where the scene had abruptly changed from the restaurant to the opening chords of the Wedding March. And walking down the aisle, frilly white dress and all, was none other than Sanada.

"Fuck," Sanada said, and meant it. They both stared down at the thin golden rings lying on the bedside table.

Atobe recovered first, squeezing Sanada's hand gently. "This just got a whole hell of a lot more complicated, didn't it?"

"Yeah." Sanada moved closer to Atobe, and they sat comfortably together, watching the ceremony.

Then they both jumped off the bed and started screaming at the television.

"Shishido, Ootori, you are fired, do you hear me, fired!"

"Mr. Yukimura, what is wrong with you? Don't you walk beside me with that smile on your face!"

"I bet you think this is funny, don't you? We'll see who's laughing when I send you to opposite sides of the world!"

"I bet you were the one who got me into that dress! See if I ever visit you in the hospital again!"

"Have fun not fucking or even _seeing _each other for months! That'll help your relationship a lot like the way you helped mine!"

"And just what the hell are those two doing here? They were supposed to be- You called them and told them to come here, didn't you? I can't believe this."

"Dammit, I hate you-"

"-so fucking much!" Sanada finished for him. They fell back onto the bed again, rolling so that they were facing each other.

"You know," Atobe said, "I think I may have been wrong."

"Maybe you're not the one that's to blame here," Sanada responded. "Maybe it's not really anyone's fault."

"We've been going about this the wrong way. There's nothing wrong here. So… Yeah, sure, we got drunk last night, 'fell in love,' and got married. Happens all the time in Vegas."

"And it's not a binding contract at all, because _technically_ it's not even legal for two men to get married most places in America, so absolutely no one has to recognize our union."

"Yep." Atobe reached over and retrieved their rings from the table. "No one at all, unless they want to." He handed the slightly larger one to Sanada. "Well?"

"Well, you're arrogant, self-important, to be honest a bit of a whore-"

"You're boring, violent, obsessed with your job to the point that you're incapable of having a successful relationship outside of it-"

"-and you're stubborn as hell," they concluded together.

"…But," Sanada admitted, "I find myself extremely attracted to you." He slipped the ring onto his finger, staring directly at Atobe as he did so, as if daring him to disagree.

Atobe only sidled in closer. "I can't say I'm surprised. I am extraordinarily beautiful, after all. Not like you." Sanada just stared at him, and Atobe glared back at him. "Well, you're certainly handsome, or I would have walked out on you fifty minutes ago. But not beautiful." Sanada continued to look at him and Atobe flushed. "Y-yeah? What do you want now?" He tossed his ring in the air and caught it. "You want me to be your lover, now and forever?" He leaned in and kissed Sanada. "But we hate each other, darling. How do you plan to reconcile that?"

Sanada got up off of the bed and walked over to turn the TV off. "I… don't hate you. I didn't like you, but I think that since we're together now, we might as well try to get along. At the very least, for the good of the company. Of our companies."

"What the hell are you talking about? Just because we participated in a meaningless ceremony and _slept _together, you think we should have some sort of merger between Rikkai and Atobe Corporation? For one, that's illegal. Secondly, it doesn't even come close to explaining why you've changed your mind about me."

"Atobe, _you're_ the one who said I had good taste in choosing you. Attracted to men, remember? I hate to say it, but you've got it all: looks, wealth… So I don't want to like you, but I do. If you give me anything, my damn body's going to act on it. So if you don't want anything from me, you should just leave right now."

Atobe sighed. "Chemicals, chemicals. All that scientific nonsense. You just can't even believe in love anymore, can you? Che, that's just an excuse." He sprawled across the bed, loosening the solid black tie he had stolen from Sanada's possession and was pleasantly surprised when Sanada leapt on top of him.

"You're talking about love now? I don't understand you at all. Are you saying that you want me to say I'm in love with you, when I'm not? Are you saying _you're _in love with me when _you're _not?"

"All that I'm saying is that attraction isn't just a bunch of protein chains or whatever, and that this 'true love' business Shishido and Ootori have going for them isn't just a bunch of random connections in the brain. I don't mean to be getting too deep for you (which I doubt is all that difficult, to be honest), but I like to think there's something more to any relationship than cold, impersonal science." Atobe turned his head to the side and yawned. Sanada sighed and got off of him, but Atobe grabbed him by the collar of his hideous shirt and pulled him down into a long kiss. "If you want me to be anything to you at all, you moron," he murmured, "try to show that you care, just a little."

"Mmm. I don't really, though. It's just easier this way." Sanada pulled off Atobe's tie and unbuttoned the first three buttons of his shirt, pressing his lips against Atobe's collarbone. "You don't care about me. Why should I care about you?"

Atobe removed Sanada's hat and started unbuttoning the huge wooden pineapples that held the shirt together. "Who says I don't care about you? I was making an effort to take you seriously in this getup. There's not a lot of people I'd do that for." Losing patience, he ripped through the cheap polyester fabric and tossed the remains over his shoulder. "You know, I think I liked you better naked."

"That can be arranged," Sanada said dryly, shrugging out of the sleeves. "I believe that you need to do a little more than modify my outfit to prove that you care about me, however."

"Care about- You're my second-least favorite person on the planet. I think I might have one or two emotions relating to you. That should be obvious enough. You, however, never let anyone at all know what you're feeling, except when you're drunk or someone takes the time to drag it out of you. Do you see where I could be worried about the direction this little affair might take?" Atobe twined his fingers through Sanada's thick black hair and kissed him fiercely.

Sanada fumbled with the button on Atobe's pants. "If you hate me so much, why are you letting me do this to you?" He nipped at the skin on Atobe's neck and bare chest, causing him to moan.

"Don't try and change the subject," he breathed, sitting part of the way up. He clutched at Sanada's head, pressing him into his chest.

"Keigo, you do everything you can to get in my way. Every time I think I'm getting somewhere in the world, you get one step ahead of me. And I've finally caught up." Sanada wrenched out of Atobe's grip and pinned him flat on the bed. Staring into Atobe's amused eyes, he said, "And I'm beginning to see a chance to finally get in front. In that regard, I care about you. That's no less legitimate than your reasoning."

"True." Atobe slipped out from under Sanada just long enough to slide his ring on. "_Genii-chan_, you frustrate me sometimes. All the time, actually."

"Any good traits you might have don't even begin to make up for your personality."

"And yet I like you."

"Sometimes that happens."

"Blasted chemicals."

"I thought you said blaming hormones was just an excuse."

"Not hormones. Alcohol." Atobe stretched upwards to kiss Sanada.

Slightly out of breath, Sanada responded, "Not the worst drunken night I've had by a long shot." And for once, Atobe didn't argue.

* * *

Omake:

"You know, I have a few conditions," Atobe said suddenly.

Sanada opened his eyes groggily and wrapped an arm around Atobe's waiset. "Mmm, like what?"

"Like you need to break things off with your girlfriend. The first time was just a mistake, but there's no excuse for the second. Best to just stop before things get even worse."

"All right. I was planning to anyway. Anything else?"

"Just a few little, _tiny_ things… So, are you sure you don't have any residual feelings for Yukimura?"

"_What?_"

"This is very important to me."

"No, of course I- Why does everyone- I am not, never was, and never will be in love with Seiichi!"

"I can't even begin to tell you how much that hurts," Yukimura said as he walked into the suite.

Sanada flinched and tried to pull up the covers; Atobe was rather more used to being seen in various states of undress and waved languidly at the unexpected guest, who returned the greeting with a smile.

"Don't mind me, I was just here to check that you two were still alive. I hadn't heard from Genichiroh, you see, and I figured that meant either you two would be spending the rest of the day in bed or that you would be attempting to murder each other."

"Oh, believe me, he tried," Atobe said wryly, and turned to face Sanada. "Which brings me to my next request. Will you _please _let me top next time? It's not that I feel a deep need to have control or anything, I just don't think you really know what you're doing and I'm completely certain that my ass is not supposed to hurt this much. Let me teach you, darling."

"Keigo," Sanada hissed, "do we really need to talk about this right now?" He glanced at Yukimura, who for all intents and purposes was paying them no attention and was crouching down on the floor.

When he stood up, he was holding the remains of Sanada's Hawaiian shirt. "Genichiroh, I'm hurt that you would treat a gift from me this way. Unless it was your doing, Mr. Atobe?"

"His fault," they said, pointing at each other.

"He ripped it off of me."

"He didn't take it off fast enough."

"Well, I forgive you then," Yukimura said indulgently, and walked to the door. "Now that I'm convinced you're both alive, I'll leave you to your own business."

He left and Sanada breathed a sigh of relief. He turned to Atobe angrily. "What are you playing at, talking about… _personal matters_ when he was right there?"

"I figured it was the best way to get you to listen to me."

"I'm listening. Anything else?"

"That about covers it."

"Good. Now I feel it's only fair that you give me a chance to make a request or two as well."

"Like what?"

"Like you can stop acting like a whore any day now."

"But it's fun, dear."

"Keep acting like a prostitute and I'll treat you like one."

"250 dollars an hour. I only accept cash."

Sanada ignored this. "And since you asked so nicely and I apparently can deny you nothing, will you hurry up and fuck me already so I can get back to doing you?"

"Now _that_ I can do." Atobe rolled on top of Sanada and smiled. "This might be review for you, but it's best to start from the top. Lesson one: Some men like it rough."

Sanada groaned and resigned himself to his fate.

* * *

Thank you for reading, I hope you will leave a review :D


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